(AP)New Mil City- They say everybody has a price and the Southern New Milford Football Concern may be no different.

Various sources are reporting that Vandelay Industries may buy the naming rights to the stomping ground of the SNMFC. Vandelay Industries is a giant in the laytex business. The reported 10 year deal is being negotiated by H.E. Pennypacker, the head of the legal department at Vandelay along with the SNMFC's lawyer Lionel Hutz and SNMFC's Drector of Stadium Naming and President of SNMFC films Tom Marks.

"This is a chance to bring the Concern to another level, as well as provide funding for several upgrades to our stadium," according to Marks. The word stadium is used loosely as there aren't even painted lines on the field.

"This brings our vision of past and present together. We've been looking to expand our war chest for years, but after several of Chris Rooney's 'Whores and Whiskey, Whiskey and Whores' field trips, we actually owe a total of $27,032 to various 'establishments'."

Apparently the interest started when CEO of Vandelay Industries, Art Vandelay and his CFO Kel Varnsen ran into Chris Plank, John Goodman, Terrell Owens and Charlie Sheen at a Celebrity Golf Event. "We hit it off at the course at Pebble Beach, went out for drinks afterward, made a few calls and here we are" said SNMFC stalwart and John Goodman's stunt double, Chris Plank.

The proposed, "Vandelay Industries Multi-Purpose Sports Complex and School at Hill and Plain School" could cost up to $4.7 billion to be constructed after the permits are obtained in New Mil City. The cost of the stadium would be a cool million with the rest going to bribes and corruption in New Mil City. "For now we're focusing on the naming rights, a new stadium could come a few years down the road, but we just want to get our foot in the door and help the premier pick-up football league," Vandelay said.

The SNMFC is on hiatus until the christening of Baby Durand, and the subsequent Baptismal Bowl, to be held in Summer 2006.

May 3, 2006

The signage has already begun to change at Hill and Plain Stadium in New Milford.