In a effort to increase the appeal of the SNMFC to the gay community, the cowboy community and the gay cowboy community, the SNMFC announced today that it would be replacing all movie, television and literary references with Brokeback Mountain references.

"This is the kind of forward-thinking move that separates the SNMFC as the class of the pick-up football community," stated Mike Shemeley, Director of Diversity Outreach for the SNMFC, in a prepared statement.

The announcement calls for the immediate discontinuation of references to The Simpsons, The Family Guy, Star Wars, Rocky, Full Metal Jacket, The Big Lebowski, Pride and Prejudice and Mein Kampf, among other popular SNMFC favorites.

An example of the new policy could be found in Jiblet Jam IX, when Tom Marks pulled a hamstring. Instead of commenting, "He looks like Peter in that episode of Family Guy, when he grabbing his knee and saying "owww" for two minutes", one might say, "Wow, he looks like he's in as much pain as Jake Gyllenhaal, when he realized that he couldn't be with Heath Ledger's character in Brokeback Mountain."

In addition to references, all quotes will also be replaced by Brokeback Mountain quotes. So instead of quote the famous "Oww, quit it. Oww, quit it. Oww, quit it..." sequence from The Simpsons, one would instead say "I wish I knew how to quit you."

The far-reaching edict also extends to SNMFC Films. Instead of parodying films like The Lord of the Rings, Face Off and 2 Fast, 2 Furious, the canon will be limited to merely Brokeback Mountain.

"That's going to be difficult," admitted SNMFC Films Director Tom Marks. "But if that's what it takes to make Hollywood stand up and take notice, so be it."

To help ease the transition into the new policy, the exchange "I love you" and "It's over, but we're not" will be allowed, though they are not specifically in the movie.

The new policy has drawn mixed reactions from around the league. Chris Rooney was quoted as saying "I don't agree with this, but this ain't nobody's business but ours." Jamie Hall was quoted as saying "Best policy EVER!" He was then reprimanded for quoting Comic Book Guy.

December 5, 2005

If you didn't get any of this story, check out the Brokeback Mountain website.

A preview of what future SNMFC trailers my look like under the new diversity mandate.
Heh, heh, man date.