New Milford (AP) - In what was perhaps the wettest Jam ever, the team captained by Scott Lucente came back from a 21 point deficit only to lose by 16 points to the team captained by Marc "What Do You Mean We Can´t Wear Cleats?" Lucente. A draft day similar to those of the New York Jets, a mustachioed player, and a knee shot to the groinal area were foreshadowers of the eventual downfall of the Good Guys. The game also saw a new trophy, the Norwood, for the best player on the losing team, awarded.

After the younger Lucente unexpectedly selected Chris Rooney in the second round instead of Kevin Dolan, and failed to draft Pat Rooney, the match-up looked pretty one-sided. A powerhouse team of Dolan, Rooney the Younger, Tom "Curly" Marks and the older Lucente were huge favorites over the team of the younger Lucente, Chris "C-Roonz" Rooney, Chris "Sweet Potato Pie" Plank, and Jamie "Your Mom" Hall. Brian "Fat-B" Durand played automatic offense for the first half of the wettest Jam ever.

The Bad Guys, led by eventual Theismann winner Dolan, quickly built a 28-7 lead, but a defensive stop and two interceptions by Hall, the eventual Norwood winner, led to a 28 even score.

"It was the wettest Jam ever, man," said Dolan. "It was hard to throw the ball."

After halftime, with the score 56-49 Bad Guys, Plank was forced to leave the game with a mustache related injury. That left Durand playing full time for the Good Guys.

"That was good for us, I think," said Hall. "He made some good runs, squirmed out of some tackles, kept his footing. I mean, it was the wettest Jam ever, it was hard to keep from slipping. And, with Plank´s mustache covering Durand when he was auto-O like Plaxico Burress would have, it was good to have him on our team full time."

A key defensive stop late in the game gave Good Guys hope, with the score 93-84, but they could not capitalize. On the next drive, the elder Lucente and his illegal shoes ran in for the winning touchdown.

"I thought we were allowed to wear cleats. I thought that rule was nixed years ago," said Lucente. "Of course, I also didn´t realize that Dolan was married, Durand had a kid, or that ´a good size´ means small. But, it was the wettest Jam ever and I´m married to a hot chick, so I decided to wear the cleats."

There were times that the Good Guys could have turned the tide on the Gay Guys, but a few dropped interceptions by Hall, including one that hit him in the face, and a couple of turnovers on downs prevented them from doing so. The fact that it was the wettest Jam ever kept either team from getting into any sort of rhythm.

After the game, a disappointed Plank, along with his mustache, criticized the coaches for abandoning the running game.

"We have to find a way to correct it," Plank said. "That's the bottom line. I talked about this earlier in the season; if you don't have balance you can't win in the SNMFC. A disproportionate amount of teams that win, win it by running the football."

"That´s football," Plank´s mustache added. "It's not complicated. This is something that teams and kids and coaches do from 12 years old to college and beyond. It isn´t rocket science. It was the wettest Jam ever, you have to run."

Shawn Handyside´s replacement, The Simpsons´ Comic Book Guy, was quoted as saying "Wettest Jam ever."

November 30, 2006

The participants of Jiblet Jam X, the wettest Jam EVER. (Not pictured, Chris Plank and Chris Plank's mustache.)

The only salvageable film clip from the wettest Jam ever is Theismann winner Kevin Dolan's quick slant to Tom Marks.